Withnail: She said she'd closed. Withnail: Marwood: Nor women neither. Withnail: Withnail: All right, Miss Blennerhassett, I'm warning you, if you do, you're fired. Withnail: Black puddings are no good to us. Withnail and I Quotes. *Scrubbers*! So we're gonna make one that shits itself as well. Uncle Monty: Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! Just run at it! Bates novel I'd read. Withnail: Tactical necessity. Withnail: 4 Mar. Add spice to it. Monty: Well, of course you dont, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? I've absolutely no interest in yours. We've gone on holiday by mistake. Withnail: Right you f***er, I'm going to do the washing up! withnail. DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE", shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement, Withnail and Marwood are lying in bed together, listening to a man coming inside the cottage. You lead him astray. Uncle Monty: I sometimes wonder where Norman is now. What had I done to offend him? 'He used to get in bad tempers and act up,' said his wife. All right, this is the plan. Withnail: Two quid? [he picks up the kettle on the stove. Withnail: You've had an audition. What have you done to them? This suit was cut by Hawkes of Savile Row. Maybe he f***s arses! You lose, you gain. Listen, I think you should strangle it instantly in case it starts trying to make friends with us. Well, of course you don't, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? Monty: Cos if you do, I'll have to give you a dose of medicine. Withnail: He leans up close to her, speaking into to her hearing aid]. Withnail: Marwood: Suits me. . Marwood: If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry neither did they. [reading the note] Monty: We'll keep them here til they arrive. by Anonymous: . Marwood: My thumbs have gone weird! This is a court, man. I must be out of my mind. Look at my tongue, it's wearing a yellow sock. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into you brain! Withnail: "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." "Here. When I come in, I seen one the size of a fucking dog. Withnail: The only programme I'm likely to get on is the f***ing news! It's like a bloody rugby ball now, it will die, it will die! Cooking's one of the natural instincts. Withnail and I Quotes. To offer it the show of violence", [as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear]. They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . You dont deserve such loyalty. Withnail: [pulling some goo out of the sink] Dosed 'em. Do you know, when you first came in here I knew you were a services man. We are multimillionaires. [a live chicken is standing on the table]. Marwood: The man is rich and homosexual and he tries to persuade them, but he gives up because he's convinced there's something between them. He can eat his fucking radish. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. Now, come along, Im going to teach you how to peel a potato., I must have some booze. I'm utterly arseholed. If you don't leave, we'll call the police. ""Here. Monty: [after trying the Camberwell Carrot] We'll be back. And you'd be marvellous. Monty: Monty: The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. Withnail: How should I know where we are? Burnt! These are the best withnail and I quotes. Director: Bruce Robinson Stars: Richard E. Grant, Paul McGann, Richard Griffiths Rating: Unrated Runtime: 107 minutes Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Uncle Monty: I can never touch raw meat until it's cooked. Shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour. Danny: No, man. Why don't you go back? Jake: Marwood: Marwood: How dare you! If you think you're going to have a weekend's indulgence up here at his expense, which means him having a weekend's indulgence up here at my expense, you got another thing coming. You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. "I'm going to pull your head off." And it isn't his fault he cannot love you any more than it's mine that I adore you. What a piece of work is a man! What are we supposed to do with that? We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. Tea Shop Proprietor: Here hare here!" Bruce Robinson, Withnail and I: the Original Screenplay. Locations, see. Danny: Marwood: Marwood: Talk:Withnail and I. Monty: Withnail: You'll all suffer! Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. Didn't you hear? I think an evening at The Crow. Don't look, don't look! It's impossible to make a Camberwell Carrot with anything less. I have a heart condition. C*nt give him two years. [holding him back] Get into countryside, rejuvenate. I suggest you both go outside and discuss it sensibly, in the street. How dare you call me inhumane?! How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader?! Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. Especially that little pimp! Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up. Precisely the reason I'm smoking it. God fulfils himself in many ways. Withnail: I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside? One of us has got to stay on guard. Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! If I see that silage heap hanging about up here, *I'll take the bastard axe to him*! Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. He can eat his ****ing radish. I wondered if you could sell us some food. They are flat broke, so they move to the house of Withnail's uncle in the countryside. Marwood: This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire, why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors! We live in a kingdom of reigns, where royalty comes in gangs. Stop saying that! What's it got to do with you? Withnail: Would it be in bad form to plagiarise a toast? If you can't find anything, bring in the shed. report. This ain't fancy dress." This is a court, man. Look at me, I'm 30 in a month and I've got a sole flapping off my shoe. Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! Me? Monty: the web and also on Android and iOS. by Anonymous: reply 16: February 3, 2021 10:58 PM: I've gone on holiday by mistake. I'm a friend of Montague Withnail's. They walk down to the cottage. Old suit? Wake up you bastard, or I burn this bastard bed down! What good's the side? Withnail: [whispering] [is being arrested for drunk driving] Go with it. Would you like a drink? Monty: Withnail: How noble in reason! Hair are your aerials. Will we never be set free? Withnail: There is a certain je ne sais quoi - oh, so very special - about a firm, young carrotExcuse me Uncle Monty: I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary! Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels. Ah, he knows. Marwood: . Quotes About Cool Kid (57 Quotes) www.quotemaster.org. Throwing themselves into the road to escape all this hideousness! Shut that gate and keep it shut! Withnail: (Paraphrasing Hamlet) I have of late but wherefore I know not lost all my mirth and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors. I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! Marwood: (Takes the shotgun) Well let me tell you something, Withnail. Goes into court in his kaftan and a bell. Withnail: [pulling a pheasant out of his coat] The beauty of the world. As the world communicates more and more via texts, memes and sound bytes, short but profound quotes from books have become more relevant and important. No more than you have. I could take double anything you could. We can't go on like this. The wankers don't drink it because they can't afford it! [sticking out his yellowy tongue] The Withnail and I film script contains a virtually non-stop array of one-liners from all the main characters - and for this reason the film is often touted as being one of the most quotable films ever made. Is Marwood in love with Withnail? Marwood: Yes, but if it rains, we're buggered. [shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement]. And for once Im inclined to believe that Withnail is right. Marwood: You never discuss your family, do you? You know, farmers, travelling tinkers, milkmen, that sort of thing. Marwood: (Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. [teary-eyed] I tried not to. Law rather appeals to me actually. How you feel. There is a certain. I wouldn't drink that if I was you. Jesus Christ! They don't like me being on stage. Marwood: Hey, give us a wheeze on that fag. Got a bit carried away. Withnail: (Stirring) I deny all accusations. Marwood: Jesus Christ! Oh, look at this little bastard. Now, would you leave? What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that., Flowers are essentially tarts. Withnail: Yes, you are! We want the finest wines available to humanity. Withnail: Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. Danny: Easy for you to say, luvvie, you've had an audition. [Heckles pedestrian] Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance! Withnail: Don't threaten me with a dead fish! I feel unusual. I don't know what's in here. I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering, and have come in here with the express intention of wishing one upon you. *You'll all suffer*! A Massachusetts man was sentenced to probation for running an illegal hare trapping operation in Maine. [picking up an apron] But no man's put me down yet. One of my favourite movies. Night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. I don't advise a haircut, man. Sherry? I adore you. [voiceover] Withnail: Good old Jake. This is me, naked in a corner! You can never, never disguise it. [seeing a road sign reading "ACCIDENT BLACK SPOT. Please don't. I had to come. Monty clearly has some difficulty in reading the note. Withnail: If I ever see that silage-heap hanging about up here, I'll take the bastard axe to him. Withnail: [ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck] - Washington Irving. It's impossible to use 12 papers on one joint. I mean to have you, even if it must be burglary! hide. [points a fencing sword at Marwood face] How can it be so cold in here? Oh, Baudelaire. [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch] Withnail: [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] We mean no harm! ", Oh! The fuel and wood situation. Offer him yourself. Withnail: We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now! And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. Then you gotta change its drawers for it. Withnail: I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Monty: Uncle Monty: Go with it. I sense there is world play but I just don't get it. Uncle Monty: Oh, my boys, my boys, forgive me. I'm getting the *fear*! There are things in there, there's a tea-bag growing! My partner's got a really good idea for making dolls. Look at this - accident blackspot? withnail. Marwood: This suit was cut by Hawke's of Savile Row! Withnail: Stop saying that! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of *dust*? Withnail: Withnail: He gags and gasps, Withnail laughs hysterically and falls to the floor, then vomits on Marwood's feet, as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear, after coming out of a field, Withnail hasn't closed the gate properly, and a bull walks through it. The thermostats. Laisse-moi, respirer, longtemps, longtemps, l'odeur de tes cheveux. For reasons I can't really discuss with you, he had to go to Jamaica. Whats more popular than the movie itselfis, its amazing quotes. Withnail: You've got soup. It's the only solution to this intense cold. I mean, look at us! London is a country coming down from its trip. [pointing an eel at him] One of us has got to stay on guard. Withnail: So here we are gonna talk about some of thebest quotes from the movie. At some point or another I want to stop and get hold of a child. Listen, we're bona fide. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. [high-pitched voice] moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. Marwood: Then they must be delighted with your career. Marwood: Hair are your aerials. There's the supper. We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in. We're in this cottage here. Matter. Withnail: tags: humour, withnail-i. It used to give him bad tempers and act up said his wife. The murder and All-Bran and rape. Have you been away? Jesus Christ, this huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. Yet again that oaf has destroyed my day! And how dare you tell him you rejected me?! What have you done to them? Dead down the drain? Discover the priceless words that sparkle and shine here. You been away? What happened to my agent? Withnail: Sulking up the hill. [after coming out of a field, Withnail hasn't closed the gate properly, and a bull walks through it. Keep back, keep back! You can use the left-hand menu to view some of the most popular quotes from the main Withnail and I characters . Change down, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Danny: No! My heart's beating like a fucked clock! Its landlord was a retired alcoholic with military pretensions and a complexion like the inside of a teapot. Danny: Withnail: [leaning out the car window] Withnail: We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. Withnail: In that case, "To a delightful weekend in the country.". Time change. Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean anything! Look at us! Oh, Christ almighty. Marwood: Do you mean you've been up here in all this beastly mud and oomska without Wellingtons? Half dead he may be, but I'll come up after you, and I'll wake you up with a live one. [pointing at a table] He went to the other place, Monty. Oh, how I tried not to. Jesus, look at that. I need at least an hour for lunch. [they stop and look at each other. Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. [voiceover] These eels here are for his pot. Peter Marwood ("I"): Stop saying that Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer! I assure you I'm not [drunk], officer, honestly. Oh, my boys, my boys, we're at the end of an age. Marwood: You're full of Scotch, you silly tool! We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. Headhunter to everybody. I imagine they're talking to each other. What goods the countryside? In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. Marwood: Withnail: Night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." Withnail: Marwood: Ponce! Here. My brain's capsizing. Withnail: Irishman: To tutor it in the ways of righteousness, and procure some uncontaminated urine. "GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!" "I feel like a pig shat in my head." "Don't threaten me with a dead fish." "A coward you are, Withnail. This is ridiculous. Danny's a genius. He's an expert. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. Marwood: No we're not, we're here. Chin-chin. [staggering out] Marwood: Danny: You're looking very beautiful, man. It is a bond filled with trust, unconditional love, understanding, and support. We've gone on holiday by mistake. And soon, I suppose, I shall be swept away by some vulgar little tumour. Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). The paragon of animals. Rejuvenate. Uncle Monty: I've been preparing myself to forgive you. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us. A pair of quadruple whiskies and another pair of pints, please. I must go home at once and discuss his problems in depth. Marwood: Isaac Parkin: These aren't accidents! As a youth, I used to weep in butchers' shops! It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane. share. Mrs. Parkin: Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. Withnail: Withnail: What are you talking about, Danny? Danny: Get that damned little swine out of here! Marwood: Withnail: [telephoning his agent] You got a rush. An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door, she still doesn't answer. What had I done to offend him? It features Paul Heller as producer, Lord David Dundas, and Rick Wentworth in charge of musical score, and Peter Hannan as head of cinematography. Why have you drugged their onions?! He slams it shut and slumps against it, shaken]. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Be seated. Marwood: I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. Marwood stands there, petrified]. Withnail: I think we've been in here too long. you little traitors. Withnail: Why can't I get on television? I'm in a park and I'm practically dead. DRIVE WITH EXTREME CARE"] This huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. [voiceover] This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Withnail And I. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. If The Crow and Crown ever had life it was dead now. Yeah, I know that, you've got to kill it. It's like a tide. Marwood: I've no idea, I've never met him. [lunges towards the sink] Hurry up, Mabs. Scrubbers! Peter Marwood (I): Stop saying that Withnail, of course hes the fucking farmer! Brings back such memories of Oxford. This thread is archived. I think there may be something living in there, I think there may be something alive. Marwood: The fucking kettle's on fire! No fridges, no televisions, no phones! He doesn't have any friends. Irishman: - Monty: Youre going to finish the vegetables. Sulking up the hill. Danny: That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Withnail: And we want them here, and we want them now! Waitress: Then the fucker will rue the day! Black puddings are no good to us. It's ridiculous. Marwood: No you can't, listen to me, listen to me! We mean no harm! Very, very foolish words, man. The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals! Marwood: Headhunter to his friends. Your sensitivity overwhelms me. I mean to have you even if it must be burglary. I demand to have some booze!. Withnail: "In a world exclusive interview, 33 year old shot putter Geoff Woade who weighs 317 pounds, admitted taking massive doses of anabolic steroids, drugs banned in sport. [offering Monty a glass] [Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid]. Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness. Well, I'd hardly say that. Stop saying that, Withnail! Monty: Withnail: [eyes filling with tears] He told me that first day you came to Chelsea. It's available on Don't be ridiculous. And the Coalman looks at him and says, "Do you think you look normal, Your Honour?" The police, Miss Blennerhassett. Danny: Relax, man, find your neutral space. How come Monty owns such a horrible little shack? Withnail: How should I possibly know what we should do? General: Lets take a look at the following list and find out the best Withnail and I quotes. Now, which of you is going to be a splendid fellow and go down to the Rolls for the rest of the wine? You know what we should do? Withnail: Uncle Monty: Oh! [calmly] How *dare* you! Withnail: Will it? We've got to get some booze. He is even taller than Withnail and much more burly. These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! Withnail: Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise. Danny: I fail to see my family's of any interest to you. The purveyor of rare herbs and prescribed chemicals is back. Give it a chance. Hello? Look at Geoff Woade. I don't consciously offend big men like this. You fill this with piss, take this pipe down the trouser and sellotape this valve to the end of the old chap. Stand aside! And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. He can eat his ****ing radish. [screwing his eyes shut in terror, moaning] you little traitors. I know how you feel and how difficult it is. You won't keep us anywhere. The man was fined $10,000 and was ordered to pay $1,843 in restitution to Maine.
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